Fraudley Embarrasson, the Turdatollah of I-ran, will knock out chinny, blowhard, piss gargler David Haye

8-1 and we're away

Boxing is dead. The sport currently masquerading as boxing only exists as a shadow, a shell of the greatest sport ever invented. Its death was confirmed yesterday when supposed "world champion" fighter David Haye announced he would defend his "title" against fellow "boxer" Audley "Harrison". David "Ducker " Haye is the likely winner and will correctly enter the ring a strong favourite. And yet, AND YET ladies and gentlemen, Aerial Telly, television panopticon, world's greatest boxing handicapper and man your girl is seeing when she tells you she needs "space"¹, is not advising a bets on the loudmouth Bermondsey boy. Because, using a phrase he thought he would never utter even in jest, Aerial Telly is advising a bet on Audley Harrison to win the world heavyweight boxing title by way of knockout. 8-1 is the advised price and he will break it down something like this.

Some noteworthy things about Fraudley Embarrasson. He will weigh approximately 28 lbs heavier and have an 8 inch longer reach over the Hayefaker - advantages he knows how to impose upon opponents on a good day. He's a southpaw which can cause the orthodox Haye difficulty and although his career is best politely described as "one fuckup after the other" nobody doubts that he has the physical tools to achieve his dream. Audley knocked out Danny Williams in three rounds (above) two years ago and looked something of a beast showcasing power, timing and, unusually for him, heart. Bear in mind that this is the same Danny Williams who Vitali Klitschko took 8 rounds to stop. Against a focused Audley he visited the canvas twice and sustained horrible cuts to his nose and eye.

"Harrison's a southpaw which can cause the orthodox Haye difficulty and although his career is best politely described as "one fuckup after the other" nobody doubts that he has the physical tools to achieve his dream."

Of course David Haye is no Danny Williams. He's faster, more skilful and a better finisher. He also doesn't take a punch anything like as well. Should Harrison happen to connect with one of those scathing uppercuts or lead lefts then David Haye is in a world of trouble. David Haye was knocked out at cruiserweight by a 40-year-old Carl Thompson and knocked down by the former super middleweight Jean Marc Mormeck. His chin remains a question-mark.

"The history of the heavyweight division is littered with slick talking little guys who came undone after feeling a real heavyweight's power for the first time."

So, what are the chances of that mythical beast the focused Audley Harrisonshowing up? Aerial Telly rates them as "half decent". He sees his entire life as building to this one shot at the world heavyweight title. Possibly the most widely panned boxer of recent times he has the chance to prove all the haters wrong and finally beat someone who is any good. 10 years on from his Olympic triumph it's the biggest fight of his life and the 6'4, 18 stone giant will never have prepared better.

David Haye said yesterday that "This fight is going to be as one sided as a gang rape by a pack of Silver Back gorillas!" Maybe, David. But the history of the heavyweight division is littered with slick talking little guys who came undone after feeling a real heavyweight's power for the first time. Come November 13 you may just be wishing you took the Klitschko fight.

Something in the region of 8-1 for a Harrison knockout should be achievable on Betfair. You know what to do.

¹She's actually telling the truth here as long as if by "space" you mean "the best fuck of her life"

Imagined: Wednesday, September 08, 2010